He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
