i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
