I think I won the penis lottery.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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