Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
