I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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