Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
