man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
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i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
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sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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