peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
