Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
