I feel like abortions should bother me more
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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