this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
