whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
