I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
