Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Randomize
