So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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