worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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