Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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