i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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