Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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