i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize