please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
