just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
