All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
