i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
