She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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