I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
