just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
