Fuck appropriateness.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
