i think i have herpe
just one?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Holy shit dude........stairs
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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