Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
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Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
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we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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