i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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