The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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