I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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