We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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