So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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