Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
