My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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