if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
