You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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