Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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