he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
