Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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