your thong is hanging out like whoa
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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