We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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