she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
