shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
