I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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