Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
