Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
