Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i believe in u and ur pee
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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