toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
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I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize