the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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