walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
