Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
