Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
