um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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