Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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