upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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