I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
