Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
