I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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